The Washington Post hosts an article entitled worth a read: How to get divorced without hating your ex or tearing your family apart.
The article provide several tips for managing divorce:
One, make an “an attempt to find compassion [toward your spouse] in the separation process.”
“The people we marry are not the people we divorce, because people change,” Sodoma adds. And we don’t often grow at the same pace. During a divorce, it helps to acknowledge that, Sodoma says. Even if a couple is “no longer intact, they can still have an opportunity to focus on the things that count,” she adds, such as respecting each other and keeping things stable for their children.
Two, “do not expect to get emotional closure.” So true!! Divorce litigation will not provide you the emotional release you seek. Do not use the process to spite your spouse, or air all the dirty laundry, or seek emotional vengeance. Kiri Maponya, a certified divorce coach, states:
Allowing anger, grief, betrayal and sadness to distract from the business of divorce can prolong the process, she says, costing you more emotionally and financially.
Three, “get the kid stuff settled, and then delve into the financial decisions. . . I don’t like the idea of holding children hostage to money,” says Caroline Krauss-Browne, a lawyer in the matrimonial and family law department of Blank Rome.
There are primarily 4 areas which every divorce (with children) must address: Child custody and visitation, Child Support, Division of Marital Assets and Debts, and Alimony. It has been my experience that courts generally apply different standards for each area. So for instance, while a judge may shift the balance of assets against a spouse that committed adultery, the judge may award custody to the adulterer because that’s in the best interest of the child. A court isn’t going to punish a child because of infidelity alone. Accordingly, since the judge isn’t going to cross-mingle issues, you should not either. Don’t use child custody as a pawn in negotiation for division of marital assets.
Four, “avoid going to court.”
“Judges divide with a meat cleaver, and lawyers divide with a scalpel,” Krauss-Browne says. Settling might involve bringing in neutral appraisers to assess the value of property and businesses before coming up with a fair way to divide assets. What’s fair isn’t always 50-50, Krauss-Browne says, noting that if you were to get 25 to 33 percent of your spouse’s business interest, “you’ve done very well for yourself.”
As discussed in more detail in this article about celebrity divorce:
The dissolution of your marriage is a legal event ending your marriage contract. But, you and your spouse have more direct control than you may realize over the cost and time involved when getting divorced. There are three primary divorce processes couples can select from: mediation, collaborative or traditional litigation. Each path is unique and though you will end up at the same place – divorced – how you get there varies widely. This chart gives you an overview:
